Can LeBron James’ new reality competition show distance itself from the pack? ‘Million Dollar Mile’ is the latest in a crowded field

LeBron James might have finally found his first real challenge in the television game. The debut of his new CBS reality show, Million Dollar Mile, drew less than stellar ratings Wednesday night despite a promising lead-in from network stalwart Survivor.

As a producer, James is best known for shows that reflect his social justice interests, such as Warriors of Liberty City, Shut Up and Dribble and Student Athlete. Million Dollar Mile is a lighthearted departure that pits amateur athletes (who are given a two-minute head start) against pros who excel at things like Tough Mudder, CrossFit, Spartan Races, etc.

There’s a crowded field of these shows, including The Titan Games (Dwayne Johnson), Ultimate Beastmaster (Sylvester Stallone), American Grit (John Cena) and Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge. (The last of which prompts this viewer to wonder whether you’re guaranteed a new 3-D-printed skull if you do, in fact, break the one you came with.)

Million Dollar Mile defender Isaiah Vidal (left) races to scale a building before runner Kenny Bennett (right) can catch up.

CBS Broadcasting

Hosted by minor league baseball celebrity Tim Tebow, Million Dollar Mile fits in with the rest of the genre, which is to say it’s best watched on mute while fast-forwarding straight to the physical challenges. It’s shot in the dark, and the competitors are outfitted with harnesses that feature strips of fluorescent-colored light over each shoulder. The production design makes the mile-long course, which runs through downtown Los Angeles, look like a video game. And the course itself is characterized by obstacles with names that make you wonder which intern had the responsibility of coming up with them. To earn the chance to win the $1 million grand prize, competitors must first win five in a series of Byzantine challenges, including:

Bamboo forest – A field populated with bendy poles that look like pool noodles with little platforms on them. Competitors must jump from pool noodle to pool noodle without touching the floor. The floor is “lava.” (It’s not. It just means you have to start over again.)

Flies on the wall – It’s described as a parkour obstacle, but it’s really more of a test of how well you’d do hanging onto the ledge of a building and then scuttling from that ledge to another for about 80 or so feet.

Spiraling up – A bunch of vertically arranged honeycomb-shaped platforms. Competitors must pull themselves up until they reach the last platform, then bungee jump to the ground.

Each challenge is worth more than the previous one. If you decide to quit after, say, three challenges and $50,000, you get to keep the money so long as you beat your opponent at scaling a building. But if the opponent wins, the competitor forfeits everything. No one got past more than two challenges in the pilot.

The show possesses the same sort of professional gloss we’ve come to expect from a King James production. But will anyone miss it if it disappears from the CBS prime-time lineup? Give it a few weeks and we’ll know.

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson: Baller or nah? We checked out whether the ‘Rampage’ and ‘Ballers’ actor really could ball at The U

From actresses Gabrielle Union and Queen Latifah to rapper 2 Chainz, singers, actors and rappers have often bragged about their athletic accomplishments. #ShowMeTheReceipts, a recurring feature at The Undefeated, will authenticate those declarations. In this installment, we verify actor Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s receipts.


The four-second scene easily could have been missed if one was not paying exceptionally close attention during Furious 7.

Dwayne Johnson’s character, Luke Hobbs, is sitting in his hospital bed recovering from his litany of injures as the world is going to hell in a handbasket outside his hospital room. His daughter is entertaining herself in the corner, as Hobbs’ attention is on his TV.

Viewers realize he’s watching a football game when they hear the announcer say, “Back to throw. Here comes the blitz! No. 94 sacks …” But just before the game is interrupted by a breaking news segment, the director and editors of Furious 7 drop a quick hint for any vigilant audience members. The Florida State logo is the last thing people see prior to the news transition. (In the clip below, start at 2:10.)

Before Johnson, aka The Rock, made a name for himself as one of the greatest wrestlers of all time or a big-time actor 17 years ago, he was a 6-foot-5, 267-pound defensive lineman for the University of Miami. And that play he and viewers were watching on the TV was of him sacking former Florida State quarterback Charlie Ward in the No. 3 Hurricanes’ matchup against the No. 1 Seminoles on Oct. 9, 1993.

“I was on Twitter a while back saying that my penetration helped clear the way for him to get that sack,” North Carolina State defensive line coach and Johnson’s former Miami teammate Kevin Patrick joked. “He’s a good friend of mine; I love him dearly. I’ve watched almost all of his movies. I think that’s one of the few ones I haven’t seen yet, so I might have to catch that one. That Rampage movie [Johnson’s latest effort, released April 13], my kids have been begging me to see that, but we just haven’t had a chance yet.”

The former World Wrestling Federation/Entertainment star was the second-highest paid actor in 2017, the sexiest man alive in 2016 and on a bit of a rampage in movies and balling in his TV appearances this year. Originally, though, he put his efforts into a football career.

A year after finishing his senior season with Miami, Johnson was cut by the Canadian Football League’s Calgary Stampeders two months into the 1995 season. He had all of $7 in his pocket. But that experience appears to be one of the few things in which Johnson didn’t find immediate success.

He was the WWF/WWE’s first third-generation wrestler — following his father, Rocky Johnson, and grandfather, Peter Maivia — and has more than a dozen championships from the WWF/WWE, World Championship Wrestling, WWF Intercontinental, WWF Tag Team and Royal Rumble. When he graced the big screen in Scorpion King, he earned a Guinness World Record in 2002 for highest paycheck earned by an actor receiving top billing for the first time.

And in 1991, as a freshman on Dennis Erickson’s Miami team, he was a member of the 12-0 national championship squad that obliterated Nebraska, 22-0, in the Orange Bowl. Johnson compiled 77 tackles and 4.25 sacks in one start and 39 appearances as a Hurricane.

Patrick frequently pointed out that Dewey, as he was called by his Miami teammates, in addition to being a fantastic singer, lover of country music and all-around hardworking person, didn’t lack for talent. He just happened to play on star-studded teams throughout his tenure with the program. Johnson never backed down, though, and it showed when the Hurricanes’ lone sack from that game in 1993 came from him tracking down the ever-elusive Ward.

“It makes the hair on my neck stand up even to this day when you look back on those moments and you’re playing with great players and you’re playing against great players, some of the greatest of all time in college football,” Patrick said. “I can go through a laundry list of names of guys that I’ve played. … Dwayne was a hell of a football player. It’s noticed because of who he is now, but he was probably as good as anyone in the country at the time. He just had probably the greatest 3-technique in all of college football and pro football in Warren Sapp playing at the same spot. Just to be out there at that time speaks volumes of what kind of ability he had.”

With 1:51 left in the half, Florida State was on Miami’s 39-yard line with a fresh set of downs and looking to end a second consecutive drive with a touchdown. In the previous series, Ward escaped from the pocket and scampered untouched to the right pylon to give the Seminoles a 21-7 lead over their rivals.

Don’t get it twisted, the record crowd of 72,589 at Doak Campbell Stadium didn’t want Florida State to take its foot off Miami’s neck, with fresh memories of Wide Right I and II still haunting them. And since 1987, two of Seminoles coach Bobby Bowden’s three losses at home had been to the Hurricanes.

Flanked by two Seminoles in the backfield, Ward lined up in the shotgun. Johnson was stationed at the right defensive tackle slot, while Patrick took right end. Miami ran an X in which Patrick would penetrate toward the left tackle and Johnson would fake as if he was going to bull-rush the guard.

Johnson stutter-stepped and looped around Patrick, who was engaged with the tackle and being chipped by the running back simultaneously. The guard, realizing what Johnson was about to do, lunged at him but got caught in traffic at the line. Johnson lowered his left shoulder to absorb less contact, barreled around the corner and found an unsuspecting Ward waiting for him.

The former Heisman Trophy winner and star basketball player at Florida State turned to avoid the pressure — directly into Johnson’s waiting arms. Ward covered up the ball just before impact, and Johnson drove him all the way back to the Hurricanes’ 47. (Start at 46:42 to see the play.)

“I’ve got warrior blood, bro,” Johnson said in a 2016 interview with Sports Illustrated.

Said Patrick: “You have a penetrator and then you have a looper. … The penetrator has the ability to see the upfield rush and take it into the B gap between the guard and tackle to pick the guard. It’s really a great play when you’re on man-on-man side and shortens that turn for the looper, where Dewey can have some success.

“I will tell these young bulls, and they’ll say to me, ‘You can’t catch me.’ And I say, ‘Listen, I caught Charlie Ward at least four times in my career.’ Some of them will know who he is, some of them won’t, and I’ll say look him up. He paved the road for a lot of quarterbacks that have come since then.”

Unbeknownst to Johnson, he would eventually return the favor to Patrick. About two decades ago, Patrick broke up with his girlfriend, Rachel, and realized he had made a mistake.

He begged her to get back with him. Patrick called Rachel and persuaded her to see him. She said she wouldn’t get back with him, so Patrick decided a trip to the mall was in order. Rachel told Patrick to take her home and that she wasn’t changing her mind.

All of a sudden, someone yelled, “KP!” as they were walking through the mall. Patrick brushed it off since, you know, it was a busy mall. Then the same bellowing voice again said, “KP!” So Rachel grabbed Patrick by the hand and he said to her, “Who is it?” She said, “It’s The Rock.”

Dewey came running up, and Patrick introduced Rachel to Johnson. She just stared at him, and Johnson said, “Hey, I’m wrestling tonight in a WWF match, do you want to come? I’ll give you front-row tickets.” Of course Patrick wanted to come, so Johnson turned to Rachel and asked if she wanted to come too. What was she going to say, no?

Two kids later, Patrick said he and his family have seen most of Johnson’s films, with Jumanji being the hands-down favorite among the group.

“If it weren’t for Dwayne, I would not be married to my wife, and he does not know this,” said the 46-year-old Patrick. “Ever since then, my wife has been by my side. Sometimes my wife and I joke about, ‘What if we didn’t see The Rock that day? Would she still have left?’ So I don’t think he knows that, but Dewey, thanks for helping me get my wife back.”

Our conclusion? He’s legit, and an A-1 wingman. Johnson’s receipts get a passing grade from us.

From Ken Griffey Jr. to the Braves’ Ronald Acuña — is Major League Baseball still not feeling hats to the back? The long battle cry of the backward ballcap

The baseball cap seems innocuous enough. A brimmed hat emblazoned with a team logo for players to wear while on the field for protection from the sun. Simple. But over the past couple of decades, the baseball cap has become a lightning rod. Depending on the direction it is turned, or who wears it, the cap is a stand-in for the sport’s racially contentious past … and present. From legends such as Ken Griffey Jr. to newcomers such as Ronald Acuña, the baseball cap has been as divisive as a Subway Series.

When is a hat not a hat?


Ronald Acuña (center) of the Atlanta Braves in action during the spring training game between the Atlanta Braves and the Toronto Blue Jays at Champion Stadium on March 13 in Lake Buena Vista, Florida.

B51/Mark Brown/Getty Images

Acuña walked into an Atlanta Braves training camp interview on Feb. 15 and left having been asked to make a sartorial change.

The Venezuelan outfielder signed with the Braves in 2014 and honed his skills with various minor league teams, getting ready for the big leagues. He’s dominated, garnering comparisons to Ken Griffey Jr. for his play, and his swagger. The buzz around him, and superior performance has led him to be named the top baseball prospect entering the 2018 season and has allowed him the leverage to turn down the Braves’ $30 million offer in the offseason. The Braves and the city of Atlanta are head over heels for Acuña and the possibility of what he can bring to the franchise when he gets called up from the Gwinnett Stripers minor league squad at some point this season.

But first, there was that training camp interview.

Braves manager Brian Snitker called Acuña in to address his cap. Acuña had been wearing his hat tilted to the side, and a little bit off of his head because his thick locs were making it impossible for the cap to fit perfectly. The style balked at tradition.

Tradition. Major League baseball celebrates Jackie Robinson day, Latin American athletes, and has launched a diversity pipeline initiative to create more executive positions for people of color, but Major League Baseball and its fans seemingly long for the years of Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio and Ty Cobb. When ESPN ranked the top 100 MLB players of all time in 2015, six of the top 10 players had played before integration. CBS’s 2016 list of its top 10 players also features six players from a segregated league. So when baseball fans talk about traditions or years past, they are talking about a time that excluded black athletes. And that’s not the only hard pill to swallow.

They only saw a black man with his hat backward and all of the negative connotations that come with it — disrespect, nonchalance. Code words.

Other baseball traditions and taboos are alienating to black and Latino fans. Players are supposed to respectfully trot around the diamond after home runs, sans backflips or excessive celebrations. The same self-expression in the form of chest-pounding, trash talk and playing to the crowd that has made the NBA hip — and black — isn’t allowed in baseball. Celebratory dances are frowned upon, part of a culture of unwritten rules with a simple message: Fall in line.

For example, in 2013, Yasiel Puig was pulled to the side by opposing Mets players for rubbing their noses in his home run trot. His offense? Taking 32 seconds to round the bases. All of this is code for following traditions set in stone before black and white and Latino athletes played in the same pro league(s), and when fans were segregated in the stands. And part of those baseball customs is making sure players wear their hats straight.

“It’s the look,” Snitker told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution on March 2. “You do respect the game and the organization and the team on the front of it [the hat]. I tell these guys, we don’t do things like everybody else. There’s a lot of Hall of Famers who spent a lot of time in this organization. We wear batting practice jerseys, and people don’t put glasses on over the ‘A,’ things like that, out of respect for the Hall of Famers that put a lot into this organization, and all those flags that are hanging.”

With all due respect, Snitker’s point is not only silly but it’s another reminder that baseball is about its archaic traditions —the Braves organization was founded in 1871, for reference — more than its players, and what those players represent. Acuña, by all indication, is a transformative talent who can turn the Braves’ future around — the franchise hasn’t made the playoffs or had a winning season since 2013 and hasn’t won a postseason series since 2001. The organization is concerned about how he wears his hat, even as plenty of white Braves players have worn their hats backward, to the side and every other way besides straight.


The Acuña hat issue isn’t a new thing. It’s been around, most famously since the ’90s, when the aforementioned Ken Griffey Jr. was a young, swaggy outfielder who seemed poised to take over baseball. But his appearance — backward hats and untucked jerseys — flouted baseball tradition, and one of the biggest defenders of old customs was then-Yankees and current Baltimore Orioles manager Buck Showalter.

“I shouldn’t say this publicly,” Showalter told the New York Times Magazine in 1994. “But a guy like Ken Griffey Jr., the game’s boring to him. He comes on the field, and his hat’s on backward, and his shirttail’s hanging out.” Showalter added Barry Bonds to his list of transgressors for having his shirttail untucked at the All-Star game. “To me, that’s a lack of respect for the game.” Respect. Tradition. Coded language.

What people who share Showalter’s views didn’t understand or don’t want to understand is that Griffey, who only actually wore his hat backward for batting practice, wore his hats backward as a tribute to his father, Ken Griffey Sr. When Griffey Jr. wore his dad’s hats, they were too big, so his turned them backward so they’d fit. Then he just kept doing it, into his pro career. There isn’t a bigger sign of respect for tradition than honoring a father who also used to play in the very same MLB that wanted to maintain said customs. But the controversy wasn’t about why Griffey wore his hat backward. Nobody seemed to care. They only saw a black man with his hat backward and all of the negative connotations that come with it — disrespect, nonchalance. Code words.

Griffey wasn’t afraid to hit back at his detractors. “Why should I care about a person from an opposing team?” Griffey said to the Seattle Times a week after Showalter’s quotes surfaced. “I don’t take the game seriously? Why, I do believe [Showalter] was coaching third for the All-Star team when I won the [1992] MVP.”

The criticism obviously stuck with Griffey, so he poked at the MLB one last time. When he received his Hall of Fame hat in 2016 during his acceptance speech, the first thing he did was turn it backward. One more reminder that he did it his way.

So what does this all mean for baseball as a whole? It’s about cultural irrelevance. Baseball’s reliance on homogenized traditions is its own Trojan horse, infiltrating the sport’s psyche and destroying it from the inside. Holding on to archaic practices that erase unique expressions uphold whiteness but close the sport off to audiences from diverse backgrounds. And for black fans, it’s demoralizing to see people who look like us, and express themselves like we do get constantly reprimanded for representing our cultural tics on a national stage. It’s a major reason black audiences are flocking to the NBA and the MLB has as few black players as ever.

Here’s a legendary story about Satchel Paige. During a semi-pro game, before his Negro League debut, Paige’s team was up 1-0 in the ninth inning. His outfielders made three straight errors to load the bases. Paige, fed up with his team and determined to show off his skill, walked around the bases and outfield, demanding that his teammates sit down in the infield. Then the legendary pitcher struck out the next three batters to end the game.

It’s a story that has become part of baseball lore for its brashness, showmanship and drama. And it’s the same type of story that would get someone like Paige punished for his bravado if it happened in 2018. However, that story is part of baseball tradition. It’s a part of black tradition. And baseball needs to embrace these traditions — alternative hat placements and all — or else become a cultural relic instead of regaining its place as America’s pastime.

 

Daily Dose: 11/21/17 Joe Morgan is asking Santa to keep steroid users out of Cooperstown

What’s up, gang? We’re closing in on Turkey Day, but the news doesn’t stop, so let’s end the week strong. I’ll be on Outside the Lines at 1 p.m. Tuesday, then also doing Around the Horn at 5 p.m. on ESPN. Tune in!

Charlie Rose is the latest man to have the curtain pulled back. The longtime PBS and now CBS announcer’s past was revealed with a Washington Post exposé in which various women accuse him of not only sexual misconduct but also more generally running the type of operation on his show that created a harmful environment for all women he employed. He’s since been fired by both networks, but his co-hosts on CBS are still very much reeling from the news.

The AT&T-Time Warner merger may never happen. The joining of the telecommunications giant and the media programming behemoth would create a huge company that could control quite a bit of television. Now, the Department of Justice is suing to make sure it doesn’t happen. DOJ claims that there’s no reason we should trust such a company to play fair with its counterparts. The two companies say that if you’re going to not let them join, we should consider breaking up Google and Facebook too.

I wear Vans every day. There are days when I wear other shoes as well, but for the most part, whether I’m in my house or at the office, or in these streets, I’ve got a pair of Vans on. I used to skate as a kid, but those days are over, so I’m still rocking them because I like the way they look. However, there was a time when they’d fallen out of favor with basically anyone who wasn’t on a board. Now, you see celebrities of all types with them on their feet, everywhere. Check out how they managed to make this turnaround a real thing.

Joe Morgan is a Hall of Fame baseball player. He is also 74 years old. Now, he’s taking a stance on steroid users and whether they belong in Cooperstown. He says no, and he penned his thoughts in a very long letter to the voters, which basically says that because we all want to put our heads in the sand about the so-called purity of baseball, some of the best players ever shouldn’t be recognized for their greatness. This is the most backward stance ever.

Free Food

Coffee Break: In case you don’t know, Living Single begat Friends. But now that the legendary Fox franchise is being rebooted, it’s got a great opportunity to tackle a pretty serious subject: gentrification. The land of urban living is just not the same anymore and is great show fodder. And necessary, too.

Snack Time: The situation with Tyrese has gotten very dark. After his beef with Dwayne Johnson, then whatever that was with Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, he’s now doing weird things with Michael Blackson. Yikes.

Dessert: Miguel’s latest track is extremely uplifting, y’all. His gospel future is set.

Neil deGrasse Tyson to Kyrie Irving: “I’m glad you play basketball instead of serve as head of NASA” Astrophysicist is pop culture’s ultimate superfan

Celebrity astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson likes to talk. Loves it. When you ask the New York native and director of the Hayden Planetarium a question, his voice lights up. Whether it’s about science or popular culture, Tyson is eager to educate, often offering more than you even asked for.

The fourth season of National Geographic’s StarTalk, his hit late-night talk show (née podcast) that features the likes of Bill Clinton and Terry Crews, premieres Oct. 15. “I care deeply about what role pop culture plays in hearts, minds and souls,” said DeGrasse. StarTalk mixes science with comedy with interesting conversation for a show both entertaining and educational — but most importantly, accessible. “I can start where you are, what you bring to the table, and I just add to that,” he said. “I think that’s part of the successful recipe of StarTalk.”

What’s a bad habit that you have?

I’m always aware of bad habits, so I’ve probably gotten rid of it already. I have an unrealistic attraction to kettle chips. The crunchier chips, [fried] in peanut oil, no shortage of salt — is that a flaw? Is it a bad habit, or is it just a habit? The real question is, if anyone has a bad habit, why haven’t they done anything about it yet if they are self-aware it is bad? I used to twirl my hair when I was a kid, but then I stopped. I notice when other people are twirling their hair, it’s interesting. I empathize with them.

“Dwayne Johnson. I used to have a body that kind of resembled his body.”

Kyrie Irving once said that the world is flat, although he later admitted to (supposedly) trolling. What would you say to him about this?

We live in a free country, where you can think and feel what you want, provided it doesn’t violate someone else’s freedoms. I greatly value that. So to Kyrie Irving I would say, ‘I’m glad you play basketball instead of serve as head of NASA.’ It’s a reminder there are jobs for people who have no idea what science is or how and why it works. And in his case, basketball is serving him well. The problem comes about if you are not scientifically literate, hold nonscientific views and rise to power over legislation and laws that would then affect us all. That’s the recipe for social and cultural disaster.

What’s the last museum you visited? Do you find yourself going to museums often?

I very much enjoy museums. The last museum I went to that was not local in New York City … it was an art museum in Sydney, Australia. There was a whole section that had aboriginal art, not only of Australians but also some from the Maori tribes of New Zealand.

“I have an unrealistic attraction to kettle chips. The crunchier chips, fried in peanut oil, no shortage of salt — is that a flaw?”

What is your favorite social media spot?

Lately, I have to say Twitter because of the value I derive from it. I have these random thoughts every day, and Twitter is a means by which I share these thoughts with the public. And in an instant, I get to see people’s reactions. Were they offended? Did they laugh? Did they misinterpret it? Did they overinterpret it? So I get a neurosynaptic snapshot of how people react to thoughts that I have. And this deeply informs public talks that I give. It’s my way to get inside people’s heads without violating their space.

People go to your Twitter feed to learn, so it’s nice to hear that you enjoy learning from your followers.

It’s not like I’m Professor Neil on Twitter. I tweet about a lot of really random things. People say, ‘Why don’t you give us the latest news?’ I’m not a news source. If I don’t think about that news today, you ain’t getting a tweet about it. I don’t start the day saying, ‘What am I going to tweet today? Let me think something up.’ No, it’s random. … You just happen to be eavesdropping in my brain. Before the end of the month I’ll be engaging in my Instagram account. I’ve yet to post to it. I deeply value photographic arts. It’ll mostly be artsy things, more artsy than purely educational. Then I write my own little caption about it.

So no pictures of your dinner?

If the dinner evokes some cosmic thought, yes, you’ll get a picture of my dinner. Otherwise, no.

If you could be any athlete, dead or alive, who would you be?

I think about Jesse Owens often. I think about Jackie Robinson often. Simply because of how great they were at what they did, how honed they were in their performance and the fact that their existence meant more than their performance. In other words, the whole was greater than the sum of their parts: great athlete, at an important time, doing an important thing, having an influence on people in a positive direction.

Have you ever been starstruck?

I was a little bit starstruck when I interviewed Jeremy Irons. There are movies he’s been in where I just — how can you be this good in that role? How is that even possible? And just to shake his hand and interview him for StarTalk, that meant a lot to me. And here’s one you won’t expect. I’ve never met him, but I’d be delighted to. I’ve got him on my short list: Dwayne Johnson. I used to have a body that kind of resembled his body. He’s beefier in the last two years than he was about 10 years ago, when he was actually wrestling. He beefed up extra for the Fast and the Furious series, so not in that state, but in an earlier state, of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. When I looked like that, no one was interviewing me in the newspapers. No one was asking to publish my books. So he’s a modern reminder of a lost chapter of my life.

When you were wrestling in high school, did you want to become a pro wrestler?

No. No, no, no. No! You want to talk about physics — physics in pro wrestling is what allows things to look like they hurt when they don’t. But it’s the laws of physics exploited to fool you, rather than exploited to win.

What sport do you most enjoy watching, from a purely physical standpoint?

I like many. And there is physics in all sports, so I don’t rank them in this way. In fact, StarTalk because of the success of our shows where we cover sports, we spun off an entire branch called Playing With Science. It’s all the ways science has touched sports. We talk about famous catches, famous hits. We do talk about concussions. We brought in a neuroscientist to talk about [concussions] from football. We talk about NASCAR and the technology involved with that. We talk about the physics of driving around a track. There’s a lot of fun physics in essentially everything, you know why? Because there’s physics in everything.

This conversation has been edited for clarity and length.

‘Ballers’ recap: Spencer’s still on Vegas time — and Ricky is unraveling Does The Rock always have to save everybody?

SEASON THREE, EPISODE FOUR | “RIDE OR DIE” | AUG. 13

In the world of hip-hop, no vehicle is more coveted nowadays than a Bentley truck. It seems every rapper imaginable has rhymed about copping one (or has actually copped one) — from Future, to Migos, to Rae Sremmurd to Young Thug and Travi$ Scott. 2 Chainz even has an entire song dedicated to the SUV.

Yet in the world of Ballers, which HBO just renewed for a fourth season, a Bentley truck means almost nothing to a G like Spencer Strasmore (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson). While stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way to a crucial meeting with Las Vegas hotel tycoon Wayne Hastings Jr. (Steve Guttenberg) about moving an NFL team to the gambling capital of the world, Spencer shifts a gear to park and straight-up abandons the truck on the highway. He’s convinced that the fastest way for him and Joe Krutel (Rob Corddry) to get to Wayne before he jets out of town is on foot.

The reason that the two financial advisers are running so late for the “biggest meeting of our lives,” as Spencer says, is that one of their clients, Dallas Cowboys defensive lineman Vernon Littlefield (Donovan W. Carter), is on the verge of one of the worst fates an NFL player can endure. After Vernon fails to divest of the marijuana industry at the request of his team, the Cowboys owner (Christopher McDonald), aka the “Boss Man,” tells Joe he intends to cut Vernon.

The brash plan leaves Spencer with no choice but to pick up the pieces, like he always has to do, and sneak up on the Cowboys’ owner while he’s vacationing in Miami. Spencer not only gets the threat of Vernon’s release rescinded but also persuades the Boss Man to support Anderson Sport Management’s efforts to collaborate with Wayne in relocating the Oakland Raiders to Vegas.

Spencer shifts a gear and straight-up abandons the Bentley truck on the highway.

Spencer and Joe make it to Wayne just in time to relay the good news and save the partnership. But if there’s one thing true on Ballers, it’s that Spencer’s problems are always only temporarily fixed.

The life of one of Spencer’s premier clients, New England Patriots wide receiver Ricky Jerret (John David Washington), is unraveling faster than the real-life Miami Dolphins passed on Colin Kaepernick. Ricky has a child on the way, although his future child’s mom, Amber, is packing up to leave Miami (and her irresponsible boyfriend) behind. Meanwhile, Ricky’s new Patriots teammates Tom Brady, Julian Edelman, Danny Amendola and Rob Gronkowski have all been practicing without him, leaving the job of scheduling training sessions to his fun-loving pothead best friend, TTD (Carl McDowell).

After an awful workout with a high school kid, the only quarterback TTD can find to throw on such short notice, Ricky storms off the field and returns home — or, to what he thinks is home. The absentminded Ricky rolls up in a house that belongs not to him but to a white family. So, after receiving a tap on the shoulder from the son of the house’s owners, Ricky out of shock delivers a right hook to the kid’s face.

“I know who you are, a–h—. You’re not going to get away with this,” the bloody-nosed kid tells Ricky.

His response? “TTD, call Spencer,” Ricky says into his cellphone.

That’s always the go-to reaction when something goes wrong: to call Spencer. The question is, whom can Spencer turn to for help?

‘Ballers’ recap: Meet Candace Brewer, the brilliant woman between Spencer and Las Vegas While Spencer is handling business, Joe and Reggie hotbox a Rolls-Royce

SEASON THREE, EPISODE THREE |“IN THE TEETH”| AUG. 6

One thing is standing in the way of Spencer Strasmore’s master plan of bringing an NFL team to Las Vegas — a brilliant woman. Sunday night on Ballers, we meet the beautiful, and trill as ever, Candace Brewer (Emayatzy Corinealdi; Hand of God, Middle of Nowhere) — a high-powered league executive who summons Spencer (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) to drinks in Oakland, California, after hearing about his gutsy NFL-to-Vegas quest.

Candace and Spencer go all the way back to the former Miami Dolphins superstar’s playing days, when he insulted her live on Jay Glazer’s talk show Glazed and Confused. Candace doesn’t seem to like Spencer too much, or the idea of an NFL team relocating to a city notorious for sex, drugs and, of course, gambling.

“I just want to know if you’re an enemy of the league,” Candace point-blank says to Spencer in the shortest drinks meeting in history — she dips out before finishing her wine. We might have just met Spencer’s Kryptonite.

We might have just met Spencer’s Kryptonite.

While the big fella is in the Bay Area, his right-hand man Joe Krutel (Rob Corddry) is trying to persuade Reggie (London Brown) and Dallas Cowboys defensive lineman Vernon Littlefield (Donovan W. Carter) to stop investing in the cannabis company, High Powered, before Vernon is blackballed by the NFL. Reggie, however, takes Joe on a little field trip to the dispensary to show him that Vernon is endorsed by a company that’s focused on much more than smoking weed. But that’s how the visit ends — with Reggie and Joe hotboxing in a Rolls-Royce to the smooth sound of Style’s P’s “Good Times.”

In the front office of the Miami Dolphins, tension is building between Charles Greane (Omar Benson Miller), the team’s assistant general manager, and his boss, Larry Siefert (Dulé Hill). Charles feels some type of way when Siefert goes on Glazer’s show and fails to give him credit for one of his intelligent roster moves. Siefert is shady, and his voice is more annoying than going 1 cent over $20 when filling up your tank up at the gas station. And every time he breaks out the Southern accent, it’s hard not to remember Sam the Onion Man, Hill’s character from 2003’s Holes — as well as Sam’s famous line, “I can fix that.”

Charles and Siefert’s relationship is about to blow up. It’s inevitable. Especially after the Dolphins head coach tells Charles, “Attaching yourself to Siefert is not the move a smart man makes.”

Ricky is late to a doctor’s appointment for Amber, his girlfriend — and future child’s mother. When he finally shows up, he meets the friend whom Amber decided to bring in his place, who, to Ricky’s chagrin, is a white dude. Awkward.

The only person in the crew who really seems to be getting stuff done without being let down is Jason (Troy Garity), Vernon and Ricky’s agent, who’s working with his new client, free-agent running back Kisan Teague (Kris D. Lofton). That is, until Jason attempts to negotiate a deal with the Indianapolis Colts and receives word that the running back is under investigation for drug trafficking. Kisan vows he’s innocent. Jason’s response to the Colts general manager? “Eat a bag of d—-.” Because they’re going to find a new team.

Back in Oakland, Spencer heatedly leaves his meeting with Candace. He calls Hall of Fame wide receiver Tim Brown, who on Ballers is involved with the front-office moves of his former team, the Oakland Raiders. Spencer promises an additional $300 million in private financing plus whatever team owner Mark Davis needs to get a deal done, and the Raiders to Vegas.

But can Spencer really deliver?

“Oh, I know I can,” he mic-drops to close the episode, cueing up none other than the 21 Savage track “Savage Mode.”

Spencer is about to go to war with Candace and everyone else in his path to Sin City.

‘Ballers’ recap: Vernon can’t ‘stay off the damn weed!’ — but for good reason Jason gets robbed, but lands a new client; Spencer reconnects with an old flame

SEASON 3, EPISODE 2 | ‘BULL RUSH’ | JULY 29

“Hey ladies, y’all want to come in for some milk and cookies after this?”

This is the funniest pickup line in television history, as delivered on Ballers by the one and only Vernon Littlefield (Donovan W. Carter) when he shoots his shot like an elementary school student — we really ain’t mad at him, though — with two models at a photo shoot. “Only if they’re chocolate chip. I don’t f— with oatmeal,” responds one of the models, who’s wearing marijuana leaf pasties.

What appeared last week to be an investment into a weed-themed clothing line is actually an endorsement deal that Reggie (London Brown) landed for Vernon with a cannabis company called High Powered. Marijuana use in the NFL might be as frowned upon as kneeling during the national anthem, although real-life players (as well as Vernon, as we learn) employ the drug as a method of recovering from injuries. Regardless, a call from the furious owner of the Dallas Cowboys (unfortunately not Jerry Jones, who would probably give Vernon a pass) sends Vernon’s adviser Joe Krutel (Rob Corddry) over to his house to convince Reggie that this deal is a bad idea.

The photo shoot, however, still goes on — and man, wait until the pictures of Vernon in a High Powered hoodie are released. They’ll definitely send ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith into a “STAY OFF THE DAMN WEE-DUH!” rant.

Though he can’t persuade Vernon to make a more strategic endorsement decision, Joe is able to set up a meeting between NFL running back Kisan Teague (Kris D. Lofton), who’s in desperate search of a new agent, and Jason (Troy Garity), who represents Vernon and Ricky Jerrett (John David Washington). The possibility of a new client sends Jason to a neighborhood park, where he’s robbed at gunpoint while waiting for Kisan to show up. Jason then interrupts Kisan at dinner, claiming he set him up, although the running back gives him his word that he wasn’t behind the stickup and knows where to find the men Jason describes. Kisan and his homies leave their Brussels sprouts at the table before pulling up on the dudes like …

Together, they get Jason’s cash back. And while he temporarily lost $540, and likely saw his life flash before his eyes, Jason gets a new client out of the situation.

Meanwhile, Spencer Strasmore (Dwayne Johnson) is in Las Vegas trying to bring an NFL team to Sin City. While checking in to his hotel, he runs into an ex, Chloe (Graceland’s Serinda Swan), who as a well-connected Las Vegas executive will be a valuable asset on his quest. Who knows, maybe she’ll even become bae again.

While playing golf with the mayor of Las Vegas and meeting with a city councilman, Spencer leaves Ricky behind at the craps table. Looking to get his mind off the fact that he and his girl have a baby on the way, Ricky goes into a hot streak, only to let it all, and more, slip through his fingers while egged on by Hall of Fame wide receiver Cris Carter and rapper Travis $cott to go big or go home. Ricky loses $1 million at the table, meaning the $5 million that Spencer owes him can’t be reimbursed soon enough.

Caption: Ricky at the craps table

Spencer’s dinner with Councilman Sawyer to discuss funding a new NFL stadium in Vegas with public money turns into a trip to a monster truck show. And for some odd reason, Spencer elects to drive one of the monster trucks, which he flips. Upon safely removing himself from the wreck, he announces to the screaming crowd, “I’m going to bring a professional football team here to the great fans of Las Vegas!”

With all the news surrounding the latest chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) study on NFL players, wouldn’t it be super ironic if Spencer next week found out he had a concussion? That headache-inducing crash is part of the price Spencer is willing to pay to get the NFL in Vegas.

Summer 2017 movies are full of melanin and just plain cool John Boyega, Rihanna, Kevin Hart, Kerry Washington and ‘Tupac’: an opinionated summer film guide

All that hot weather we’ve been wishing, hoping and praying for has finally arrived — so now it’s time to head indoors! Go ahead and pack your snacks — and stuff ’em far down in your purse: Summer movie (and blockbuster) season is upon us. A number of highly anticipated films are finally hitting the multiplex, and The Undefeated Culture team has you covered on which ones are worth ordering online in advance. Now, let’s all go to the movies!


Baywatch | May 25

Frank Masi/Paramount Pictures

Studio: Paramount Pictures

Directed by: Seth Gordon

Featuring: Dwayne Johnson, Priyanka Chopra, Zac Efron, Ilfenesh Hadera

Baywatch? More like Baewatch, amirite? Either way, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s new film surely will be an excellent introduction to summer blockbusters everywhere. At 45, and fresh off so much success of The Fate of the Furious that there’s talk of his own spinoff, Johnson is at his absolute best. He can do big-deal movie thrillers, premium cable TV shows, prime-time network sketch comedy or just about anything else he decides to take on. In this film, he brings David Hasselhoff’s beloved ’90s TV series to the big screen and teaches a new recruit (played by Efron) the tricks of the trade, all in the name of solving a big old criminal plot. We smell what’s cooking.

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie | June 2

Studio: DreamWorks Animation and Scholastic Entertainment

Directed by: David Soren

Featuring: Kevin Hart, Jordan Peele, Ed Helms

Kevin Hart already took home an award for Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie — well, sort of. After the animated film’s late May premiere, Hart presented and jokingly accepted the award for “top collaboration” at the Billboard Music Awards with Underpants co-star Helms. In the film, based upon Dav Pilkey’s best-selling children’s novel series, Hart voices fourth-grader George Beard, who teams up with his best friend Harold Hutchins (Thomas Middleditch) to hypnotize their cruel school principal, Mr. Krupp (Helms), into believing he’s Captain Underpants, the hero of the comics that George and Harold write together. Peele follows up his critically acclaimed thriller Get Out as the voice of George and Harold’s nemesis: child prodigy Melvin Sneedly. Watch out, Despicable Me 3Captain Underpants might just be the best animated movie of the summer.

Wonder Woman | June 2

Studio: DC Entertainment

Directed by: Patty Jenkins

Featuring: Gal Gadot, Chris Pine, Robin Wright

Some of us have been waiting for a Wonder Woman feature film since Lynda Carter twirled her way into superhero lore back in the ’70s. So, stakes is high (as De La Soul would say) for the first female-led film to flesh out the mythic story of Princess Diana since Jennifer Garner portrayed Elektra in 2005. Israeli actress Gal Gadot, best known for playing Gisele Yashar in the unstoppable Fast & Furious movie franchise, is the perfect behind-kicking, take-no-prisoners crime fighter.

The Mummy | June 9

Studio: K/O Paper Products and Sean Daniel Company

Directed by: Alex Kurtzman

Featuring: Courtney B. Vance, Annabelle Wallis, Tom Cruise, Sofia Boutella

Courtney B. Vance continues to ride high on his Emmy-winning portrayal of famed attorney Johnnie Cochran in FX’s The People vs. O.J. Simpson. In Mummy month, Vance takes on his newest challenge, starring alongside Cruise, Wallis and Boutella in a reboot of the box office series that Brendan Fraser made an international success (and inspired a roller coaster!). Vance plays a colonel in the film.

All Eyez on Me | June 16

Studio: Morgan Creek Productions

Directed by: Benny Boom

Featuring: Demetrius Shipp Jr., Jamal Woolard, Danai Gurira, Jamie Hector

After years of setbacks and legal dramas, the life and times of Tupac Shakur will hit the big screen in one of the most anticipated films of the year. Shakur’s saga has been the subject of seemingly countless documentaries since his 1996 murder, including a highly anticipated Steve McQueen-directed doc, but Eyez ranks as the first time ’Pac’s story receives the biopic treatment. And, much like the man himself, the film doesn’t come without its share of controversy. Shakur’s family does not support the movie, according to sources. So it’ll be interesting to see how the depiction of rap’s most beloved martyr plays out.

Cars 3 | June 16

Studio: Walt Disney Pictures and Pixar Animation Studios

Directed by: Brian Fee

Featuring: Kerry Washington, Owen Wilson, Tony Shalhoub, Chris Cooper

If you’ve got the kids with you, it’s probably best you don’t take them to see All Eyez On Me. However, variety is the spice of life, and while Kerry Washington is the proud mom of Isabelle, 2, and Caleb, 5 months, it’s going to be a while before they understand the significance of mom’s fabled role as Olivia Pope on ABC’s Scandal. That being said, it’s easy to imagine Mama Washington as very happy showing her kids her first animated role. She’ll be playing Natalie Certain. In her words, Certain is the “super-smarty-pants statistician” who “knows everything there is to know about the ins and outs of statistics when it comes to racing.” Vroom.

Transformers : The Last Knight | June 21

Studio: di Bonaventura Pictures and Hasbro Studios

Directed by: Michael Bay

Featuring: Tyrese, Isabela Moner, Jerrod Carmichael, Mark Wahlberg, Gemma Chan, Stanley Tucci

C’mon, son. Not another Transformers movie. This is the fifth installment of the series that debuted in 2007 with Shia LaBeouf in the lead. With Michael Bay in the director’s chair, these films are guaranteed to be action-packed, and people love them enough to have turned Transformers into a billion-dollar franchise. But, man, the plots of the past few movies have been absolute struggles, and now Mark Wahlberg is the main character. Meh. Will we go see Transformers: The Last Knight this summer? Probably. Only to support the homie Tyrese, though.

The Bad Batch | June 23

Studio: Annapurna Pictures and VICE Films

Directed by: Ana Lily Amirpour

Featuring: Jason Momoa, Keanu Reeves, Suki Waterhouse, Giovanni Ribisi, Jim Carrey

So there are cannibals. Yep. From the director of the buzzy “first Iranian vampire Western” emerges a film around a bunch of steroid-abusing weightlifters living in a camp based in what screams dystopian America. There’s a cult leader in another place called Comfort, and everything seems to be a comment on everything going on right now in real life. The film has been called “creepy … savage,” and if that’s your cup of tea, with Lisa Bonet’s husband Jason Momoa on deck as well, then your summer is already made.

Baby Driver | Aug. 11

Studio: Big Talk Productions, Working Title Films and Media Rights Capital

Directed by: Edgar Wright

Featuring: Tyrese, Isabela Moner, Jerrod Carmichael, Mark Wahlberg, Gemma Chan, Stanley Tucci

Yasssss to having a tiny bit of anticipation for this film: It’s been described as “an action movie … powered by music.” Prepare yourself for some laughs now, ’cause Driver — though Wright calls it “visceral, darker, more cynical” — is sure to spark an LOL or two or three. We haven’t seen Jamie Foxx and Kevin Spacey in the same film since Seth Gordon’s 2011 Horrible Bosses, and they had us cracking up, all up and through there. This action-packed “dark” comedy is the fix you need if you like fast cars, crime and humor. It involves a not-well-planned heist that could take a wrong turn at any time. The getaway driver is a kid named Baby who was browbeaten into working for the biggest boss (Spacey, not Rick Ross) in the crime business. Foxx plays the role of Bats, part of the crime crew.

Spider-Man: Homecoming | July 27

Studio: Marvel Studios

Directed by: Jon Watts

Featuring: Donald Glover, Marisa Tomei, Tom Holland, Zendaya, Michael Keaton, Hannibal Buress, Tyne Daly, Bokeem Woodbine, Garcelle Beauvais

Peter Parker just wants to be a normal kid. But we all know he can’t be because of a bite from a genetically modified gangster spider that gives him superhuman spidey qualities. We’re thrilled about this reboot because it’ll be far more multicultural than we’ve seen from this series before — joining the cast are Zendaya as the super-smart Michelle, Buress as a know-nothing gym teacher and Bokeem Woodbine as Shocker, a criminal who is going to give Spider-Man a run for his web. Also in this film are Garcelle Beauvais and Donald Glover. It’s lit!

Wish Upon | July 14

Studio: Busted Shark Productions

Directed by: John Leonetti

Featuring: Sydney Park, Joey King, Ryan Phillippe, Sherilyn Fenn

Basically: a super-scary movie about being careful what you wish for. King, who was so great in 2013’s The Conjuring, gets seven wishes from her hoarder dad, and what had been a life of embarrassment and sadness is suddenly all gravy — until it isn’t. The Walking Dead’s Park (formerly of Nickelodeon’s Instant Mom) is in a classic best friend role.

Lady Macbeth | July 14

Studio: BBC Films

Director: William Oldroyd

Featuring: Cosmo Jarvis, Florence Pugh, Paul Hilton, Naomi Ackie, Christopher Fairbank

Having already made its way around the festival circuit to rave reviews, this film, set in Victorian England and focused clearly on “themes of abuse, violence, race and class,” is a summer thriller you can’t miss. Plus, it apparently has “more black characters than all the Austens and Downtons put together.” A racially ambiguous Cosmo Jarvis stars opposite his lover, lady of the house Florence Pugh. Naomi Ackie plays a maid, but this is not The Help. An adaptation of Nikolai Leskov’s 1865 Lady Macbeth of the Mtsensk District, this film is noir-ish, it’s sexy and, perhaps most alluring of all, it’s quite the opposite of the typical, whitewashed 19th-century period film.

War for the Planet of the Apes | July 14

Studio: Chernin Entertainment

Director: Matt Reeves

Featuring: Woody Harrelson, Judy Greer, Andy Serkis

Break out your “Rest In Peace Harambe” T-shirts for this one. Our boy Harambe surely would’ve gone down swinging in the epic battle between apes and humans that will be depicted in July’s War for the Planet, the third installment of the Planet of the Apes reboot, which began with Rise of the Planet of the Apes in 2011 and followed up with Dawn of the Planet of the Apes in 2014. It’s tough to pick sides between the apes, led by their intelligent king chimpanzee Caesar, and the humans, led by Col. McCullough, who’s played by the one and only Woody Harrelson. Harambe will be cheering on his homies from heaven.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets | July 21

Studio: EuropaCorp and Fundamental Films

Directed by: Luc Besson

Featuring: Rihanna, Cara Delevingne, Herbie Hancock

If you’re into sci-fi flicks where groups of species live in perfect harmony appreciating diverse cultures and experiences until an antagonist threatens to destroy everything with a pulse, this one’s for you. As it relates to Rihanna? The “Needed Me” singer stars as a shape-shifting entertainer named Bubble, and director Luc Besson described her as a complete joy to work with. The futuristic thriller is just the latest in a growing thespian résumé for RihRih. She starred as Marion Crane in the final season of Bates Motel and has a leading role in the new Ocean’s Eleven all-ladies-everything adaptation, Ocean’s Eight.

Girls Trip | July 21

Studio: Will Packer Productions

Directed by: Malcolm D. Lee

Featuring: Queen Latifah, Regina Hall, Jada Pinkett Smith, Tiffany Haddish

We’ve never seen black women on film like this before — sex-positive, carefree and ready for the turn-up. From producer extraordinaire Will Packer, four college friends reunite and head down to New Orleans for the Essence Festival seeking a much-needed reprieve from the melodramas of everyday life. The girls are on tilt: A lot of raunchy, good-natured fun goes down — and we’re all the way here for it.

The Dark Tower | Aug. 4

Studio: Weed Road Pictures, Imagine Entertainment and Media Rights Capital

Directed by: Nikolaj Arcel

Featuring: Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Abbey Lee, Katheryn Winnick

Yo, Stringer Bell is back! The fine-as-hell criminal mastermind is not playing with these Dominican and Greek drug lords who are out here trying to mess with his money on the rough streets of Baltimore. OK, that’s a lie. But some of us love The Wire and Idris Elba so much that things like movie plots, co-stars and origin story revelations are completely immaterial. So: all right, fine. Elba plays the last Gunslinger, a heroic savior in Stephen King’s sci-fi multiverse book series of the same name. He’s trying to save the Dark Tower from falling and keep civilization from crumbling, or some such thing. Whatever. Did we mention that Idris Elba is in it and has, like, a lot of scenes in the whole movie? Yeah, some of us are very excited.

Detroit | Aug. 4

Studio: Annapurna Pictures

Directed by: Kathryn Bigelow

Featuring: John Boyega, Jason Mitchell, Anthony Mackie

Please, please, please let this film, which is a kind of behind-the-scenes of the 1967 Detroit riots, be on the up-and-up. Folks were nervous (and rightly so) because, according to the initial trailer and the IMDB credit list, there appears to be an erasure of black women. From the director of Zero Dark Thirty, this film is poised to tell the story of the horrifyingly relevant Algiers Motel Incident that occurred during the 1967 racial unrest in the Motor City, which was then perhaps the most industrially significant city in the nation.

Ingrid Goes West | Aug. 4

Studio: Star Thrower Entertainment and 141 Entertainment

Directed by: Matt Spicer

Featuring: O’Shea Jackson Jr., Aubrey Plaza, Elizabeth Olsen, Wyatt Russell and Billy Magnussen

O’Shea Jr. takes on his next big screen task — but this time he’s not playing his famous father. Instead, it’s a supporting role as Aubrey Plaza’s love interest in the dark comedy that won the Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award at this year’s Sundance Festival. Jackson credited his real-life love of Batman, of all things, with helping him land the role: His character in the film is a screenwriter obsessed with the legendary superhero.

Nutjob 2: Nutty by Nature | Aug. 11

Studio: ToonBox Entertainment, Red Rover International and Gulfstream Pictures

Directed by: Cal Brunker

Featuring: Maya Rudolph, Gabriel Iglesias, Will Arnett, Jackie Chan, Katherine Heigl

Listen. Maya Rudolph and all her “funniness” can never steer you wrong, even in animation. Whether you’re planning a staycation with the kids or you want to keep them busy on a random day, this summer movie will do the trick. Nutjob 2: Nutty By Nature picks up with Surly Squirrel and his homies. This time they are battling the evil mayor of Oakton, who is trying to get rid of their home, Liberty Park, to build an amusement park. But these animal friends are not at all here for it. They’re taking back their territory.

The Hitman’s Bodyguard | Aug. 18

Studio: Millennium Films and Cristal Pictures

Directed by: Patrick Hughes

Featuring: Samuel L. Jackson, Ryan Reynolds, Gary Oldman

What we do know is there is a whole lot of profanity in this R-rated buddy movie: Jackson is a superefficient hitman who must be guarded by the exasperated Reynolds. Not every black and white character-driven smart-guy bromance can be the original 1982 48 Hrs. But here’s hoping?

The brothas have arrived on ‘The Bachelorette’ Rachel Lindsay’s season is about to be lit; here’s a breakdown of the contestants

Shoutout to Amy Kaufman for thread-tweeting the contestants of the newest season of The Bachelorette, starring office fave Rachel Lindsay. Honestly, I’m shocked they found this many black people to sign up for this show. I always assumed they just couldn’t find any, since The Bachelor/Bachelorette is really white people-ish. But no more! As an avid consumer of trash TV, I have some thoughts. Here are my genuine reactions as I scrolled down the incredibly diverse but to-be-honest-not-as-sexy-as-I-was-hoping list.

Adam, 27, is a freak, and I’m a lil freaked out by it.

Alex, 28, says his favorite artist is The Rock. OK, I guess. Great hair, though.

Anthony, 26. Not a fan of bald guys. The scalp doesn’t do it for me. This take gets mixed reactions from the people in the office, but I don’t care.

Blake E, 31, isn’t making it past the first rose ceremony. Speaking of rose ceremonies, I honestly thought they got like, cuff links or something. But Clinton tells me that they definitely get roses. Yay for gender neutrality!

Blake K., 29, looks like office cutie Justin McCraw. Not even kidding. Which means Blake will also be the office fav and we’re all rooting for him.

Brady, 29. Meh. Second white guy I’ve seen with this haircut so far. Something tells me I’ll be seeing more.

Bryan, 37, is also a freak! Gotta love a man who knows what he wants.

Bryce, 30. A firefighter. Crimson Chin. I used to date a firefighter. He was crazy, though. I’m hoping Bryce isn’t also crazy, but Clinton says being crazy is a prerequisite for the job.

Dean, 26, is woke bae, but he’s not cute enough to make it past the first rose ceremony.

DeMario, 30. Another black guy! With a black name! And he wants a lion named Denzel, which is super black! And he made a Britney Spears joke! (fun fact: I’m a B. Spears stan.) Love this guy already.

Diggy, 31. He looks like he’s a senior inventory analyst, which isn’t a bad thing. ?

Eric, 29. Already I think this is the most black guys I’ve ever seen on this show, and I’m not even done yet.

Fred, 27. Hello there, Carlton Banks. Goodbye, Carlton Banks. Next.

Grant, 29. Dorky cute, and he’s a doctor! Something tells me Rachel is gonna like him.

Iggy, 30. Little bit of a weirdo judging from his bio, but maybe he can get a cool thing going with Diggy. Wonder if they did that on purpose.

Jack, 32. Can’t put my finger on it, but something’s off about this guy. It’s in the eyes.

Jamey, 32. Looks just like last year’s runner-up Robby Hayes. Probably won’t go very far.

Jedidiah, 35. Most likely a preacher’s kid. Also probably my soulmate because I, too, am a bit of a pen snob. Wish you were cuter, Jed!

Jonathan, 31. “Tickle Monster”?! Why would you tell people that! Definitely serial killer. But I’m torn, because he’s also a Britney fan. I’d be one of his victims. Go over to his house to have a Britney Spears listening party, and then he tickles me to death.

Josiah, 28. Wonder who he had sex with…

Kenny, 35, is a pro wrestler who says he and Dwayne Johnson are “very much alike.” Gotta disagree there, buddy, but I smell a bromance with Alex happening.

Kyle, 26, is a very specific kind of person I intensely dislike. But he’s cute, so Rachel might keep him around even though he won’t stop talking about gluten.

Lee, 30. If this were speed dating, it’d be a hard pass for me.

Lucas, 30, is a man who doesn’t know what he wants because those cartoon characters bear ZERO similarities to one another. Also stop fantasizing about cartoons, Lucas. (I’m a hypocrite, though, because Aladdin is bae.)

Matt, 32. Finally found the answer to my question regarding how and why Train is so popular.

Michael, 26, wasn’t good enough for the NBA, so he’s automatically on the wacker side of the black guys this season.

Milton, 31. Wack. Just wack.

Mohit, 26. My first reaction: There’s an Indian guy?! But I’d like to amend that to “South Asian,” because I really don’t know. But I’m excited! He looks way older than 26, though. Not that that’s a bad thing. …

Peter, 31, knows nothing about football and so is automatically a loser in my eyes. On this show and in life.

Rob, 30. Justin Timberlake also had blond highlights and diamond studs, so I can’t judge. Everybody glows up.

Will, 28. I don’t think he knows what show he signed up for.

I’ll be live- tweeting @yerraaa every Monday. Can’t wait for this reality show so I can ignore real real life! The season premiere of The Bachelorette airs Monday May 22 on ABC.